
Reena’s weekly prompt is the above picture: Let the muse take you from dark windows to light, till you see something that resonates with you. So many things keep happening behind windows – of buildings and our minds.
Ground rumbles and shakes
Raining shells light up the night
Manmade death rules all
Dark dreams
In the black
Of the night
Dark dreams grow
Fueled by memories
Of past mistakes,
Sufferings,
And hurts
Don’t let them
Suck you down
Into Hades
Allow the splinters
Of redeeming light
To bring you back
This is an extract from The Soldier and the Radium Girl
This book has been languishing for a year as I did not want to write an American courtroom set of scenes. I had an epiphany yesterday and have come up with a better ending that doesn’t require courtroom scenes. So, the writing is back on … and, this extract fits the prompt.
“There are no trenches,” the words came down the line of men marching through the darkness towards the unknown ‘front lines’ ahead. “The front lines are a series of outposts.”
“Keep it down,” Sarge growled, “Are you trying to get us all killed?”
What the hell is an outpost? I kept moving, my boots clumping heavily on the soggy duckboards, my bowels twisting into a tight ball, and my feet lumps of ice in the wet shrouds of my socks.
Thank goodness I kept all four pairs of socks, I thought.
“Companies F and H go to the left here. Follow your sergeant to the dugouts.
“Companies E and G, keep straight onwards,” the words floated softly down the line.
Looking up, I realised I could see dark grey shadows moving through the thick mist. Morning had arrived.
The dark grey sky had softened by the time we reached the first outpost and one of the four platoons peeled away from the group. Bypassing the next low-slung grey hulk, my platoon continued until a third materialised out of the dimness.
“Follow me,” Sarge’s hissed softly, moving out of the line and towards the concrete bunker. I gazed at it, fascinated, and a row of round holes, set into the concrete wall, stared back at me. We followed him down some steps leading to a wooden door.
The dark underground room was large and smelled of churned earth and sweat. After lighting the lanterns, each man found a space to stash his gear.
A whistling sound ripped the air apart, followed by a thunderous burst as the shell hit the ground somewhere nearby. I sat down hard, my legs soft jelly. More whistling, more terrific bursts that shook the earth beneath us. Then it went quiet, a horrible loud silence in the aftermath of the explosions.
We all sat quietly breathing deeply for some minutes, five, ten, I don’t know, and then a cheery, heavily accented “Hello” brought us all scrambling to our feet.
A figure appeared in the doorway, silhouetted against the light grey mist.
“Hello, I’m your neighbour, Lieutenant Laurent. I would like to offer you some breakfast.”
“Thank you,” Sarge accepted. Our field kitchen would take some time to set up, so this invitation was well received.
The French served us hot biscuits and coffee with condensed milk. I cannot describe the deliciousness of the biscuits. Soft and light, they melted in my mouth and were a far cry from the hard biscuits included in my ration packs. The good food, together with the lively conversation among the men of the French 219th Infantry, was warming and welcoming. The strange numbness I’d been experiencing since the earlier shelling faded.
I wonder if I can get the recipe for these biscuits. Kate could make them; she has a light hand with baking.
This short bit of relief from the shock of the early morning attack that welcomed us to the front lines ended when Lieutenant Laurent stood.
“It is time to start work for the day,” he grinned, his stiff black moustache coming to attention at his words.
Two platoons were directed to work on preparing dugouts a bit back from the front-line posts.
The rest of us were divided up into patrol units comprising a mix of American and French troops and within thirty minutes had left the advanced post.
“Is this a railway line?” I pointed at the metal tracks.
“Yes, the railway overlooks the canal,” a Frenchman called Aubert said. “We are going to check the Bosch aren’t attempting to repair any of the bridges that cross the canal. We’ll also check our defences.” Aubert also had a little moustache. I watched it undulate as his mouth moved. It was strangely fascinating.
There were no signs of activity at any of the bridges. They lay wet and shining beneath the sullen grey sky that seemed to remain unchanged despite the presumed progression of the sun beneath the cloud.
At 4.30 P.M. we approached the last bridge for the day. The clouds parted, and for a moment an errant ray of sunlight shot down, throwing up a dazzling flash as it hit something lying in the dirt on the other side of the bridge.
Without pausing for thought, Big Mouth rushed across the bridged and snatched up a spiked German helmet – a pickelhaube.
“Get down,” yelled Aubert, collapsing down and throwing his arms protectively over his head. We all dropped, squelching into the thick mud, face down.
Nothing happened. After a few moments, finding I was still alive, I looked up towards the bridge.
Big Mouth stood frozen, right in the middle, shining helmet in hand and a surprised expression on his face. It wasn’t clear to me whether his surprise was due to Aubert’s reaction or that he was still in one piece.”
Good excerpt. I like the line in your poem about dark dreams being fueled by past mistakes, so true!
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Hello, Vera, thank you, I think there is truth in that although not for everyone.
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I’m glad you’re working on The Soldier and the Radium Girl again. This is a book I’m looking forward to. I loved the excerpt. I’m struggling to complete Amanda in Scotland as I’m not happy with the ending yet.
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Hi DArlene, I just couldn’t face the intricate research for an American court case and the risk of making mistakes. I’m pleased I’ve thought of a new route to the ending. Endings are always hard as you need to leave the reader satisfied.
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Allow the splinters of redeeming light, great line.
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Thank you, Diana
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You’re welcome
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So glad the muse is speaking to you and the book is back on track, Robbie. I need one of those epiphanies for my own WIP right now, LOL.
Excellent poem. I love the closing lines.
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Hi Mae, lovely to see you. I think part of my difficulty was a post Covid tiredness. That, combined with a sort of mental block made it impossible to continue with this book. I’m glad I have my enthusiasm back.
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I find it ironic that the radium girl had the more dangerous job. They all died except for one.
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Hello, Wayne. That is completely true. Generally, in my paranormal novels, everyone dies – smile!
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oh……remind me never to appear in one of your novels.
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🌺I would never put you in a novel and kill you, Wayne. You’d have to be the one who got away.
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cause I can run FAST……..!
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💚😊
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great
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Great poem, Robbie, and a fantastic excerpt.
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Hi Tim, did it ring true for you? I have obviously never been in a military situation. I have done a lot of research and listened to many audio books about all sorts of different wars.
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I was never in a situation quite like that, but trying to figure out what is going on rang true.
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Thank you 🙏
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You’re welcome.
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Compelling poetry and a compelling excerpt, Robbie! Those biscuits are memorable. 🙂
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Hi Dave, I’m glad you enjoyed. Thank you.
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Frightening war scene – I guess in these situations, surviving is a surrealistic feeling!
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Hi Jan, yes, indeed. Life condensed down to daily survival.
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A great excerpt, Robbie! You are there in this scene.
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Hi Rebecca, I think this draft contains some of my best writing so I’m glad I’ve got my enthusiasm back to finish it.
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Or both! Biscuits are an oft-mentioned food in my Westerns. I have to put some thought to that.
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I wonder what sort of biscuits they had in the ‘Wild West’?
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They do talk about them being light and fluffy so something that raised them. They also had pan bread that didn’t raise at all but was perfect for traveling the trail.
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Okay, I know what they are then 🌞
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Yay! Well done, Robbie. I’m so glad you had that epiphany. I’ve thought of this unfinished story many times. Thanks for sharing this generous excerpt. It’s perfect for the prompt. Hugs.
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Hi Teagan, yes, I am excited to get going again. Thank you.
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Congratulations on being back to working on The Soldier and the Radium Girl. The excerpt is really intriguing. It will be a great book.
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Hi Thomas, thank you. I have enjoyed researching and writing about America’s role in WW1, both from a civilian and a soldier’s point of view. I have thought of a new way of approaching the ending so my brain block is now gone.
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That is great news
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Wonderful excerpt with so many great lines!
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Hi Donna, thank you. I really appreciate that comment. I know you read very good literature.
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How wonderful that you’ve gone back to The Soldier and the Radium Girl!
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Thank you, Liz. I have Charles to thank for it. Our discussion on Saturday got me thinking about changing an expectation or thought trend in writing and I came up with a new approach.
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You’re welcome, Robbie. I look forward to hearing more!
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You’ve created great tension in this excerpt.
And we could all take the advice of your poem to pull ourselves out of our dark thoughts. (K)
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Hi Kerfe, thank you. I really appreciate your feedback.
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There’s so much I love about this excerpt, Robbie, such as the analogy of shrouds for socks- powerful stuff!
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Thank you, Jacqui. Lots of men got gangrene in their feet also called trench foot.
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Your book excerpt kept me glued to the end. I like the term ‘manmade death’ – it can apply to do much more than war casualties and murder. At times, hospitals become a ground for it.
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Hello, Reena, thank you for that lovely feedback. I agree about hospitals, I’ve had far to much to do with doctors and hospitals over the past 20 years.
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😂😂
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Great excerpt. Glad you’ve solved your ending and are working on this again.
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Excellent, Robbie.
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Thank you, Jennie
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You’re welcome, Robbie.
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A very relatable and touching poem Roberta.
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Thank you, Sadje 🌼
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You’re welcome
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Such a descriptive poem, Robbie. And the excerpt had me holding my breath. Congrats to you for returning to work on the story!
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Thank you, Jan. It’s been dormant for a long time.
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Interesting poems and excerpt, Robbie. It must feel great to have come up with how to continue your story. I think sometimes ideas just need their own time. 🙂
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Hi Merril, I think you are write. I’d given up on it entirely. Now I just have to find time.
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Hi, Robbie. Yes, finding the time, but at least you have the idea.
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💓
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Thanks for sharing your poem and excerpt, Robbie. It’s great to see your creative juices flowing!
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Thank you, Barbara
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Such powerful poetry, Robbie. They’re dark and intensely powerful. And the excerpt was gripping, atmospheric, and surreal, as war is. Congrats on figuring out how to get to the end. It’s going to be a wonderful read.
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Hi Diana, you say the most encouraging things. It helps 🤗
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I really like your deeply evocative stuff, Robbie (my preference in general). You do it so well.
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Hugs
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Your poem resonates, Robbie, and the excerpt is compelling. I look forward to your book and it’s great that the writing is back on! 🥰
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It was just this novel that languished, fortunately. Everything else steamed ahead.
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love ‘the splinters of redeeming light’ —
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Thank you, John.
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looking forward to what you come up with next —
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I enjoyed reading your poem and excerpt.
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Thank you, Stevie.
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I liked the ending of your poem, it was what I thought when I saw that image, light bringing you out of the darkness. Great excerpt, Robbie. I hope the writing is going well with the new direction you chose.
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Hi Carla, I have started re-reading this book which is already at 50,000 words. I am planning to work hard on it over my December holiday.
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